Another "i feel sorry for myself story" [ e ]

You have got to snap outta this mode.

I am a couple of years younger than you and I would see no problem in seeing a girl who is maybe 24 (or around that mark). I am going to be crude here, I have a saying, "as long as everything fits" (you can read this two ways, sexually (of course) and personality). Just because she is younger it doesn't mean things wont work out...you just have more experience than her, but that does not mean that you can't go out and have fun together!

And you are wrong in thinking that you need friends to introduce you to "single girls".  You have a mouth don't you? Well use it!

I left you some suggestions in your Back in Japan post on where to go, and relaxing first then eventually talking to people.

You are 36, why am I telling you this?

posted by anon_Suprised_at_the_fact_th
at_you_had_the_balls_to_move
_to_Japan_but_none_to_go_out
_and_have_funJuly 16, 2002 at 21:03

Another "i feel sorry for myself story" pt ii [ e ]

Being picky about a potential partner is good, But you should always stick to your standards.

So she smokes....is it really such a big deal?  I don't smoke, but I don't let it worry me that someone else does.

What is the worst that can happen? I go home in the evening with a smelly shirt...well that would happen if I went virtually anywhere in Tokyo since virtually everyone smokes (that is an exageration I know). But the fact remains that if I went to a Bar/club/restaurant someone would be smoking.

Oh and:
"3 of them have made it clear their parents will not except anything but same race boyfriends3 of them have made it clear their parents will not except anything but same race boyfriends"
I would probably deliberatley try and go on a date with one of these girls...eveyone loves to rebel against their parents.
Besides it is upto you to make them open their eyes to the fact that we are allowed to mix....
You, yourself are proof of this fact!
...you might even fall for each other and her parents would be no worry at all.

I would say that most parents would be happy if their child eneded up with somebody decent.

Do your self a favour, try and forget about the X. You sound like you are still in love with her...I don't know who broke the relationship, but you ain't gonna attract anyone if are like what you sound like in some of these posts.

I would bet that one of your worst fears is going bald.

Yet there are more important things to worry about.

posted by anon_Suprised_at_the_fact_th
at_you_had_the_balls_to_move
_to_Japan_but_none_to_go_out
_and_have_funJuly 16, 2002 at 21:26

Typical American response [ e ]

eveyone loves to rebel against their parents.  Besides it is upto you to make them open their eyes to the fact that we are allowed to mix... ...you might even fall for each other and her parents would be no worry at all.

Not everybody loves to rebel against their parents.  That's *might* be true in America.  It is NOT true in Korea or China and for lots of people in Japan.  In America since at least the 70s through movies, dramas, stories we are taught as kids that the ultimate thing is to get away from your parents.  To move out, get your own place, do what you want and if your parents don't agree with it you tell them to take a hike.  If you are lucky you have parents like mine that support me in pretty much whatever I do.  If you are unlucky you have the next door dad from the movie American Beauty.

That is not the reality in other countries.

Ties to family are much stronger for various reasons.  It is not uncommon to live in the same house with your parents even after you are married.  Of course if your parents disown you because you went against their word then your life plan is down the toilet.  To an American living with your parents is probably a horrid idea and having to get along without them not such a big deal.  To many Asians though it's a very different story.

To give you another example of differences just in general.  My friends often ask me "Why is the divorce rate so high in the U.S.?"  I always counter with "Why is the divorce rate so low in Japan even though there are so many unhappy couples?".  The reason is that in Japan it is still nearly impossible for a single mom to survive.  Companies will not give women over 30 jobs as "they should be home doing house work and taking care of the kids".   So, people grin and bare it.  It may sound barbaric but it's still the way of life for much of Asia.

So she smokes....is it really such a big deal?

Yes.  It's not problem to have friends that smoke since I can escape it after a few hours.  I couldn't escape a girlfriend that smoked.

forget about the X. You sound like you are still in love with her

Where did this come from?  I have forgotten about the X in the sense that I don't wish to be with her but I will not forgot that she was cool and I would like to find someone as cool even if it's in different ways.

posted by greggmanJuly 22, 2002 at 1:30

[ e ]

just wanted to give you my support or something, agree with you 100%.. smoking is for me a symbol for "low class" i have nothing against low class as long they want to get up, but people that are smoking since they think it is cool.. no way.. friends diffrent thing.. girl i love (she don't love me in return) told me she smoked and i almosted started to cry and so on, but she quit... ohh and you sound like me but older, also want to goto japan, not sure city and girls status.. kinda like you..

posted by anon_granQOctober 7, 2002 at 11:36

No relationships will have a better outcome on life. [ e ]

No girls are the way to go. All relationships do is get in the way of what
you are really set out to do. They are all about sex. Try marriage for 20 years without sex. When you look at your life, you say "what was the point."

posted by ExcommunicationMay 29, 2004 at 22:58

Ex, you gotta stop [ e ]

Ex, girls are what you need to succeed. They provide love you cant get enough of. You love them when you hug them. You give trust to her that is a must. Take care Excommunication and remember that love is something special.

posted by GreggmanJune 1, 2004 at 14:52

[ e ]

u think too much dude

posted by DSJune 2, 2004 at 11:31

Wow... [ e ]

Dude...seriously. I'm 19, turning 20 in November, then a month after I am moving to Japan to marry my Japanese fiance. 19. I'm not magic, I'm not special, I just have some confidence. Maybe that's what you lack? When it comes to women first thing is first, you have to be cool about it. I can't get a vibe from your web blog but if you act how I think you do, you just need to relax. Because being single in Japan would rock in my opinion.

I was in Fukuoka this last summer for three months. If there is an easier place to pick up chicks, I would like you to show me. See you are the lucky one, you've got this open range...so saddle up.

Oh, I have no idea if you finally found a girl or not, considering this is a old post, but if not...keep on keeping on.

posted by KidtufJuly 7, 2004 at 11:56

[ e ]

Just lost my girl........wanna quit my studies, What to do? :(

posted by llkDecember 9, 2004 at 4:12

[ e ]

This is ridiculous. He writes about having a problem with not having a girlfriend, and yet he had girlfirend in the past, even few times already! So what the hell is the problem? There are people who don't get anything... at all...

posted by CrusaderOctober 30, 2006 at 18:23

sexo [ e ]

posted by sexo12December 30, 2006 at 15:33

[ e ]

same here man ..........iam facin g the same problem .........i am an asian guy and nobody in my school talk to me ...........wtf

posted by nogirlfriendmanMay 9, 2007 at 21:07

[ e ]

same here dude. asian and the only girl i liked in my school turned out to have a boyfriend by the time i was ready to talk to her. guese we'll both just have to wait until someone we really like appears

posted by metooMay 21, 2007 at 17:19

You're right [ e ]

Don't worry because you're right. I've tried getting a girlfriend but am failing miserably, I have no real chance. I am a nice guy, doomed forever to be alone and without a companion. Life does suck and nobody can say differently because when you're 26 (like me) and single life is MEANINGLESS.

posted by sderenziOctober 3, 2007 at 19:38

I'm with you [ e ]

I'm with you, sderenzi. 32, soon to be 33. Getting old. Never had a girlfriend, and increasingly unlikely to by the look of it. Nice enough guy, reasonably good-looking, but every single girl I've ever liked has either already had a boyfriend or just doesn't give a shit.

I'm screwed, and the older I get, the less likely it seems. Cause, you know, I really don't get off on 30/40something divorced single moms.

posted by dumbassFebruary 3, 2008 at 20:00

No Gals [ e ]

Dude, I am 20 never had any girlfriend. Ofcourse we all need girlfriends fu** god has made us like that. We all need love and sex. But many ppl are luck and many like us are unlucky. I no a guy (not me), that is quite small in height, gals don't even look at him. He's tryed hard, jst gave up after turning 30 and now jst smokes weed to get some fix instead of real sex. NO CHOICE. The other problem is we can't make ourselves like each girl in this world with same intensity. Jusst can't help it.

I am in similar situation with normal (atleast in my view) height and personality. I have stopped caring as well after trying hard. Nothing we can do. Take heart that there are other ppl around in same situation as you if its any help

posted by FwckthislifeJune 5, 2008 at 1:10

No Gals [ e ]

posted by FwckthislifeJune 5, 2008 at 1:11

[ e ]

Hi I am 27 and also a unlucky guy from a Metro City in India.Here in India's Metro City, most of d guy frm d age of 14-15 has gf..who flaunt dem everywhere...also do cozy things in public places...and do sex also wid dem... I feel jealous wen saw those guys wid beautiful cheeks who herself flaunt a much..Somtimes i became angry..dat y god do dis to me...dat no love and sex for me :(. Some times wen i see dose mingling gf and bf...i dream i can be her guy n have sex wid her...I tried a lot since last 12 yrs but nt successful till yet...Donno y dis is happening to me....i am not dat much handsome..as i had a big accident scar mark on face frm last 8 yrs..also my body shape is average wid a small tummy...but i had seen d gusy who look very worse dan me...even dey have gf n got d pleasure of sex frm dem :(....somtimes i became so angry...dat i thought to fu** sum gals forcibly ....I tried frm d net also....dint find any beatiful gal who give me d love n sex....I think guys frm US, UK like countries r lucky who get love n sex frm d age of 13...these countries gals r also v horny n ready to give sex n love early frm d age of 13...unlucky me who born here in India...wid no gf..no love...no sex :(

At last wat i m doin wid no gf n love in my life...dat I masturbate 4-5 times a week by watching some porn movies :(

posted by UnlukyGuyfromIndiaJune 13, 2008 at 9:51

To the writer [ e ]

You're sick bro. You have the ability and you throw it away, while guys like me would kill to have it. I am 6 foot 3, 19 years old light skinned(in a predominantly Hispanic population, i.e I'm 'different'), with curly light brown hair, and a reasonably muscled physique. I work out very often. I'm very good in sports, usually the best. I am polite and well mannered. I am not rich, but no where near broke. I know 3 languages fluently. I like to read. I love to have long intellectual conversations. I like to do the right thing. And I have never had a girlfriend. Much less sex. I am alone. And its not like I don't try. I hang out with friends, I go to places with women, I try to talk to them in casual manner, yet women regularly choose short, boring, anorexic, broke guys over me. I dont know why, and it is a great pain in my heart. One no one should have to live with. So use your talent and stop being a wasteful picky idiot. That is my advie

posted by lonelyinperfectionJuly 8, 2008 at 2:59

To the guys with no girlfriend [ e ]

I know what you guys mean. I've thought about changing my personality a lot, from a sincere honest guy to a jerk that treats women like crap. But that's just not me and I'm not going to change for nobody. The main reason behind it is some women take advantage of guys who treat them with respect.

I've just had to learn the hard way. I don't trust women like I used to and am cautious when I meet a new girl because I don't want to go through the crap I went through in the past. It hurts too much.

posted by ImjustmeDecember 10, 2008 at 1:58

life without the right girlfriend let alone without a girlfriend. [ e ]

This is just the reality of life, and it sucks. Even though I had girlfriends in the past, I've been having a hard time getting a girlfriend. I've only had several girlfriends in the past because I had to settle for women that I wasn't even interested on. The women I'm interested on don't even look at me, are not available, or are emotional messed up because their previous boyfriends. I've settled on women that smoked too much, drank too much, fat ones, and even a coke head and only because they pretty much threw themselves onto me. It's beyond me why good women look for guys who are jerks, with no car, no education, broke, and sometimes not even good looking. I'm totally the opposite, I have a college degree, fairly good looking with a nice body, not rich but I do more than ok, treat women with respect, and yet i have never had the girl I wanted, btw, I'm 30 now. So guys you are not alone, and believe me life sucks without a partner/gf but it sucks even more with the wrong one. But then again, like the post above stated, some guys don't even get some or the wrong one. Now, it's been 5 years since my last gf, I've been thinking about going back at taking whatever comes at me, but that's just really not me. I'm not picky and i'm not looking for super models but at least something decent. I'm really frustrated at the situation and beginning to get depressed, especially when I see all of my friends happily married. Friends and people tell me that I will eventually find somebody, when? when I'm 70? what for then, if life is gone and lived miserably?. I guess some of us are destined to be alone for a very long time, perhaps even forever.

posted by justanotherlonelyguyJanuary 3, 2009 at 4:19

nogirlfriend [ e ]

hey guys ! i am next month 34 but no girlfriend i work hard i have car nice apt i talk alots with girl but my luck no one my friends now i am tired i put my head down they think i play wat i play i dnt understand

posted by wyneMarch 17, 2009 at 20:25

relaxx [ e ]

man u r way to uptight, just go out there and have fun, who cares, just go bang anything that moves and eventually it will work out.

posted by jdeezyMarch 25, 2009 at 20:57

What the heck is wrong with you? [ e ]

I've had my share of heartbreak and disappointments, but I've never been without a girl for a period that lasted longer than two weeks. Heck, I've even had to juggle more than a few just so I could pick the one I wanted the most. I think the reason you don't have much luck with girls is because you're afraid of the disappointment. Also, you seem to be locked in this fantasy of "the perfect woman for you." But girls are kind of like cars. You can sit around imagining your "dream machine" or you can get out there and actually test drive a few and find one you can afford. Imagination alone isn't going to get anywhere; a real car will.

What do women actually think about YOU? How are ever going to get a clear picture of yourself if you don't put aside your nitpicking and find out what women really think of you? If you want people to be attracted to you, then you've got to start thinking about how to add value in other people's eyes instead of merely assessing the value you see in other people. Find out what your current social position is in other people's eyes (don't just imagine it either). Find out what your strengths and weaknesses are and then look for ways to increase your charms. The only way to do this is by getting out there and DOING it. Don't take it too seriously. Look at it as an educational experience. Expect to fail miserably, but don't let yourself get depressed over it. Do the same if you find yourself hooked up with a person you are ultimately not interested in. Let her go and move on. Just look at it as a learning experience. People go to school for years without realizing that life is one humongous classroom.

Also, keep in mind that you can't always get exactly what you want. The trick is to appreciate what you get. A man might go to the supermarket and expect to buy a fruit that is a cross between a strawberry and a mango. Upon not finding what he wants, he might go home hungry. OR ..... he might simply try a tangerine and discover ...... hey, a tangerine ain't half-bad after all. Keep your mind open and appreciate reality for what it is. That can often be much better than wallowing in self-pity over some dream that never manifested itself.

Get out there and sample some of the fruit. You might find that what's out there is even better than what you imagined.

posted by MrPotatoAugust 19, 2009 at 13:42

MrPotato, you are such a douchebag [ e ]

Some people can't just walk up to a girl and say hi sup can I have your number??
I can explain some more, but I have too much on my mind

To everybody in the world, you people should watch Fight Club. This movies reminds us of our selves (single people), the hard working class of the cooperate world with a 6 figure salary and no women.


A women is not the answer we need. We need an adrenaline rush. This is why people who do crazy shit get joked at for not getting laid! OK I'm joking here, but still; lets say you go to the wageon in japan over 200MPH in a tiny 1000hp nissan skyline or porsche carrea. Would you care about women then? Oh, and this is why Japanese people spend over half their money on cars. haha (including me)

posted by ImsingletooOctober 1, 2009 at 16:21

yep... [ e ]

Guys, I am sort of in the same situation. It is not a matter of meeting girls, is just that the ones that are available are just not that interesting, and when one that looks interesting comes about there is always something going on (e.g.: boyfriend). I have sort of quit looking, if it happens it happens, if not, fine. I miss being in a relationship, but hell, I do not want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship...better alone than with a bad company.

posted by porquelhoOctober 9, 2009 at 9:06