Girls [ e ]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe you're more interested in other things right now. I was a pretty poor student until I chose a major (Japanese) in college. Now I have something to work towards and concentrate on. Maybe you've got bigger/better(?) things on your mind.

Keep at it. Like the web page. What digital camera/video camera do you use? Just curious.

posted by civicshoeJune 6, 2001 at 12:32

DSC-F505 [ e ]

I use the Sony DSC-F505 (the older 2.1 megapixel model, not the 3.3 megapixel model)

It seems like the best camera out is the Nikon 990 (not 995) but I'm not sure. I kind of bought the Sony on impulse. I like the 5x optical soom of the Sony vs the 3x on the Nikon. Both have a swivel lens (you can rotate the lens to make shooting easier). Once you've used a camera with a swiveling lens it's impossible to go back to one without which really limits your choices. It may not seem like an important feature until you've used it but being able to take pictures without having to crouch or get on the ground or climb a ladder etc comes in really handy.

The only other thing I might consider is a smaller camera like the Canon Digital ELPH series (Digital IXY in Japan). The Sony and the Nikon are both a little big for my pants pocket but the smaller cameras don't take as good a picture.

I have a Sony PC100 for a video camera but I almost never use it.

posted by greggmanJune 6, 2001 at 14:50

[ e ]

just be a dog. you are too romantic...which i like, but the world has changed...chicks are not into that let's holdhands for 6 months before i know you are ok so i can kiss you. it's fucked up, i know...but the world has gotten rotten. deal with it.

posted by oldJuly 3, 2004 at 4:00

[ e ]

Why not express your honest sentiments with candor? You have nothing to lose. Relationships are the mirror to one's self. Stand alone and shine so that the other doesn't have to shine for the both of you.

posted by hugosanOctober 12, 2004 at 2:40

try it [ e ]

I sympathize with your quandary. I've found myself in a similar situation at times, usually after I've just come out of a relationship, where I'm hoping to feel the kind of strong feelings I had for my last girlfriend right off the bat after meeting someone new. But it never works like that.

Even the best relationships I've had have started with uncertainty. I knew I liked her, but I didn't know how much or even how thoroughly we would connect. You don't need to say, "I think you're the one." All you need is a genuine belief that things _can_ work well, and you can communicate that honestly to her with a simple, "I really like you and I'd like to get to know you better. How about we have dinner some time?" Just because you ask her out on a date doesn't mean things have to get very serious immediately; plenty of women are content (and actually prefer) to take things slow for a while as you get to know each other better.

I know that I'm taking your inventory here without knowing anything about you, but consider possibility that your desire to find someone who's "the one" before you ask her out is partially (or wholly) a manifestation of fear of rejection. I know because I've been there. The good thing is that it's easy to get over; once you start asking women out just because you honestly want to get to know them better and think there might be serious relationship potential, you begin to view dates and incipient relationships in an entirely different light. Where rejection used to be frightening—because you'd invested a lot of energy thinking about the woman and deciding that she's right for you and that you really, really want to be with her—it now becomes a minor issue ("Well, I thought something might be there, but she's not interested, so it's time to move on."). Alternatively, if you're such good friends with someone that you think you really belong together, a more mature perspective on relationships ("If she's into me great, and if not, at least we always have our friendship.") will make it easy to tell her about your feelings because she's your close friend and will deal with things honestly and compassionately.

You'll find, as I have, that when you start viewing relationships in these terms, things develop much, much more easily. You'll be more comfortable approaching women because there's a lot less pressure on you; you'll realize that some women are going to be into you and some won't be, that's just the way it is, and there's usually no way to find out without making the first move yourself.

I know your post is from a looooooooooong time ago, but my advice is simply to figure out which woman you're most interested in (for the RIGHT reasons: because you think you have a real potential of intellectual and emotional connection that would develop into a healthy and fulfilling relationship) and tell her that you like her a lot and think that you'd like to get to know her better. If she says yes, great, it's a low-pressure date and you can see how things go. If she says no, that's too bad, but you can never expect everyone to be interested in you; even the best-looking, richest men in the world are repulsive to some women.

So there you have it, my two cents. Good luck!

posted by helloworldFebruary 25, 2007 at 15:06

one more thing... [ e ]

About pursuing women: you really don't have to "pursue" women in the way you seem to be describing, certainly not in the States. While it's true that in high school or in college most girls might expect it, my experience is that openness and honesty gets you much, much further with any halfway mature college grad. You don't have to play any games or drop hints; women will appreciate your straightforwardness, especially if they're in their mid-to-late twenties and beyond. And if they don't like the fact that you're honest and clear about what you're looking for, then trust me, it's much better that you _not_ get involved, because the relationship will be a mess of passive agressive behavior and unexpected arguments. Nobody needs that.

posted by helloworldFebruary 25, 2007 at 15:14

[ e ]

thanks for the advice and thoughts.

I have to say though that I know my issue has nothing to do with fear of rejection. It has far more to do with, as you put it

simply to figure out which woman you're most interested in (for the RIGHT reasons: because you think you have a real potential of intellectual and emotional connection that would develop into a healthy and fulfilling relationship

The problem is, I don't feel that with almost any women. Since I wrote that in 2001 I've had 1 girlfriend in 2002 and since then none. I've had lots of friends that are girls and of those 7 or 8 expressed an interest in being more than friends. But, for me at least I didn't feel a real potential of intellectual and emotional connection that would develop into a healthy and fulfilling relationship. I just felt nothing.

Some of them I really wanted to feel something for. I could logically see we got along, had some common interests, that they were good people etc but even so I didn't feel anything for them except friendship.

On the other hand there were another 4 or 5 others that I felt something for. A couple of those I felt something very deeply, but none of them were interested in me or they were not available even if they were interested.

Sometimes I think I should just go for one of the ones I'm not really interested in and just "try it out" but it doesn't feel right. Right not in a moral sense but in a personal sense. Of the girlfriends I have had, I wanted them, they wanted me, we became more than friends. Something just doesn't feel right if I don't really want them and so I haven't tried the "just try it out" path and I keep looking for someone who I have some chemistry with.

posted by greggmanFebruary 26, 2007 at 4:23