Am I a quitter?
Am I a quitter? Nearly every other day I feel like quitting Japanese study. It's not because I don't want to learn, it's because every other day I'm reminded of how bad my Japanese is. Today for example, maybe because it was Monday, I really was out of it and was having a very hard time following along in class. Nothing seemed to make sense. 1/2 the example sentences seemed to have strange grammer and I didn't understand etc.

Nearly every day at school I'm introduced to 60 new words I don't know. Of those, if I'm lucky I might remember 2 or 3. A few days after that I'll remember none of them until the next time I encounter the same word a few weeks later and then I get to be upset that I was supposed to have already learned this word.

Considering that I've never kept a job longer than 2 years I started thinking today that maybe it's something with me that's the problem. Of course everytime I've quit I've had my reasons and I've always looked at it as a strengh. My thoughts being something along the line of "I'm stronger than the average person and therefore if I don't like the current situation I'll move on to something else. Whereas a person who doesn't see their own value will stick around in an unsatisfactory condition giving their life to the company." But, is this really the case? I can go through each situation and point out why I feel justified in my actions but then I suppose so can nearly everybody.

Should I have stayed at Microprose? At Crystal Dynamics? At Naughty Dog? The answers all seem very clearly to me to be "No!" but then why is it that I keep changing. I suppose it's just that I haven't found what I'm looking for which is
  1. To work on a great game. A game I respect and so do my peers
  2. A game that sells like crazy
  3. To get a large percentage of the money. Not more than others but not to make somebody else rich while I give up my life for a year or two to make the game
  4. Respect
Anyway, I'm not sure what that has to do with Japanese. I don't really want to quit but everyday it actually seems like I'm further away from getting fluent than closer. Kind of like old saying "the more you know the more you know you don't know". Well, the more Japanese I learn, the more Japanese I can see that I still have yet to learn. When I started learning I was thinking it would take about 3 years. Other people have done it in less. But, I've been studying for over 4 years now and I'm only at a 1 year level. And, the more I learn the longer it seems like it's going to take.

Some people say that there's a hump you reach at which point learning gets easier and your rate accelerates. I thought I had already hit that hump just about the time I left Sega 2 years ago since that's about the time at which I started feeling comfortable having conversations exclusively in Japanese but I guess they were pretty trival conversations.

Now we're starting more detailed Japanese and I feel like I can't remember any of it. I think part of the problem is that outside of class I really have no reason to use the new grammer since I can get by with the old simple grammer.

Anyway, I guess I'm just keveching but I hope I break some kind of barrier soon.
Comments:

Re: Am I a quitter? [ e ]

Well, for what it's worth, I think about this stuff sometimes. I worked at Microprose for 3 years and was generally pumped and excited for the first two years, and then it seemed unbearable and poorly run so I looked around. This led me to Leland in San Diego which was purchased by Midway after a year. I was generally happy for the first 4.5 years and work was interesting and kept changing with all of the new consoles. Then the last year I worked on Hydro Thunder which was a demanding situation and was mostly too much pressure to be fun. By the end of the project, I didn't have much respect for a company that would allow such a burn-out environment and I could also tell that Midway, with huge offices in Chicago, San Diego, and San Fran (Atari) had little for good upcoming ideas. So I looked around and got a job at Naughty Dog. I was stressed from the moment I started working there to the end of CTR. I'm happy about what I got done, but it was mostly too much pressure to be fun. So after a year and a half I moved to Australia to set up camp here.

The funny thing is that pressure is a virtual thing and fun is a virtual thing. They don't really exist. Our mind creates them from interaction with other humans such as our boss and co-workers and friends. For me, I don't mind pressure when the goals are clear and the plan is good. Or when there is good spirit and encouragement in the environment. Or when the pressure is balanced with periods of planning and constructive R&D. I mind pressure when there is no envrionment but "get it done". Of course, it is easy to lose interest in working for a company that seems to project the attitude "your work for the company is more important than you as a person and your needs".

After I left, Microprose did a whole lot of downsizing and splintered in to other smaller companies. Microprose could have become as successful as EA today if it had made better decisions in the early 90's.

After I left, Midway did a whole lot of downsizing and has a lot of work ahead to be able to bounce back.

Naughty Dog's future looks very good. Few companies have as much talent poured in to action / platform game develpoment.

So M&M were easier to leave than ND. But LA isn't worth it for me. And I like having a life again. I'm much happier here in Sydney.

I saw Jim Clark (co-founder of SGI) give a speech where he said something to the effect of "don't stay at a company if you're not having fun". And that may not sound very deep, but if you have the LUXURY of deciding what you want to do, FUN may be more important than money, status, etc...

So since you generally find Japanese fun to learn, I'm sure you'll stick with it.

And quitting companies that aren't fun doesn't mean you are a quitter.

posted by tonebyteMay 28, 2001 at 19:33

[ e ]

Quitter? I don't think so.

We all have times of discouragement wether it comes form others or by our ownselves. I myself am in a constant world of ever changing thoughts.

If YOU were to look at MY life. You would probaly see a very boreing existance. And sometimes I see it that way too. But, I am notice-ing (sorry can't spell worth a shit) as I get older, that the things that make my life worth living are not JOB related.

I am a Certified Sign Language Interpreter, I also have Certification as an Instructional Aide for All Special Education specializing in Deaf & Hard of Hearing Children. Yet I have worked in the field of "Finance" in a major Manufacturing Company for the past 10 years. My boss is very good to me, and never lets a day go by that he doesn't make me feel that I am a big help to him, and that he appriciates my work. And yet, I have never really been happy here. This JOB has never made me feel ACCOMPLISHED......... I told my boss back in December that I would be leaving the company as my husband and I are going to have a baby ..... needless to say, he was disappointed, BUT he supported my decision to be a "stay-at-hom-Mom" 100%.

I have found that the things that make me happy are, "hugging my husband and son", "looking at the Wonderous Mountains", "breathing the air up at Lake Isabella", "watching my son play video games and sometimes playing them with him", "watching my son play football to give my support", "giving old clothes and furniture to the homeless shelter", "helping someone", "listening to people", "helping my son grow, helping him with homework, helping him by listening to his worries and doubts about life", "e-mailing my brother", "writing down my thoughts", and many many other things. These are the things that make ME happy. These are the things that make ME feel successful. These are the things that I want to define me. Because these are the things that make me who I am.

I realize that you are male and I am female so there are major differences right there in our thinking patterns and all. But, ever since I was a little girl I have always known exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. And as I grew older I allowed scociety to make me feel that what I had wanted all along was not a WORTHY career/job/future. But now I realize that scociety can just FUCK OFF.

My goal as a little girl has always been to be a Mommy & a Wife. To be a nurturer and a partner. And for me it is the BEST career/job/future ANYONE could ever hope for. Family life brings the MOST happiness for me.

So what does this have to do with quitting? Well, if you know what you want and you know how to obtain it. Then you know what you should do to get it. there are always going to be road blocks, and obstacles, but keep your focus on what you know makes you happy and head straight for it. If you have to quit a JOB every 2 years, do it.

Ultimately the goal is still the same isn't it?

posted by MrsRedDaveMay 29, 2001 at 13:51

[ e ]

Gman様：

個人の経験からアドバイス致します。日本語を上達させたかっ
たらとにかく本を読んでください。毎日一面の新聞か、雑誌の
記事を読む事、小説や漫画、なんでもいいです。分からない単
語があったら辞書を調べる事。（電子手帳じゃなくて、本物の
辞書の方がいいです、漢字を覚えるのも早くなります。）

Gman様が日本に生活している限り日本語を完全に辞める事
は出来ないじゃないかと思います。毎日少しずつ日本語を吸収
していて、知らないうちに上手くなっていると思います。諦め
ないでください。日本語に疲れたら、気分転換に英語の出来る
友達と飲みに行ってください。英語で頭いっぱいにしてリフレ
ッシュしたら又日本語に再挑戦すれば良いのではないでしょう
か。

PS3_一筋

posted by PS3_hitosujiMarch 7, 2006 at 14:13