Your new TODO list: [ e ]

posted by anon_qwertyJune 27, 2002 at 14:59

[ e ]

Importance and meaning are only subjective; only feelings, even when based on physically observable phenomenae. With that in mind, it's not as if any one of us is doing anything more than existing at any given time.

So what's important to you? Obviously you're the only arbiter of that. If I were you, however, I wouldn't base my life evaluations on my prior goals, as they belonged to an arguably different and distant person. If you spend less time focusing on doubts, the things you presently find truly meaningful may begin to come into relief.

Just my two cents.

posted by anon_KaianJune 27, 2002 at 18:16

my thoughts [ e ]

don't listen to that other guy; if you move back to the states your odds of finding a girl will be much smaller.  I don't understand how you've been in Japan that long and have not "hooked up" with any chicks.   American male programmer wants date - shouldn't be a problem, trust me I know. 

ps:  a website/bloc is theraputic and can integrate well with your life.

posted by anon_mrfunJune 28, 2002 at 7:14

it doesn't end until you make it [ e ]

short bio: left school with an english degree, went to japan, taught english, didn't find it challenging, met a nice girl.  heard about the internet boom, came back to virginia, the girl came too.  got a job in networking, wasn't satisfied, decided to become a programmer, got a master's in compsci, became a programmer.  still didn't feel satisfied. thought about starting a phd, came to my senses.  married the girl, bought a house.

so i thought i'd be happy once i found a satisfying job, but that didn't do it.  then i thought having a higher degree and a job with more respect would make me happy, but that didn't do it either.  i can say i'm getting the happiness thing down now, but it's not because of my excellent wife or my house.  (although they help and i'm grateful!)  it's something you decide to do.  it doesn't have to be about positive thinking or fake smiles or finding jesus.

don't listen to the noise.  don't compare yourself to the world, the neighbors, carson daily.  listen to yourself.  get to know yourself.  figure out who you are and what you like.  embrace what you like about yourself.  change what you don't.  do what you like to do.  try things you're curious about.  once you know, accept, and understand yourself you'll be more confident.  people will see this.

you like to create computer games and study japanese and maintain a website.  this is what you do.  if you enjoy these things, continue to do them.

it's hard when you're of a certain nature. (http://www.amazon.com/exec/o
bidos/ASIN/0553062182/qid=10
25275026/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/102-6805569-6418531)

posted by anon_mJune 28, 2002 at 10:46

Make some lists [ e ]

I'm not really sure what you expect from anonymous opinions, especially when we couldn't possibly know what your priorities are and we couldn't possible know what makes you happy.  Actually, it is very odd that you solicit anonymous opinions.  I think it is much healthier to talk with a good friend about all this and hear what they have to say.

You have to write down a list of reasons to stay where you are and write down a list of reasons to go somewhere or try something else.  Include everything: like how much you enjoy the area you live, the food you eat, the people you work with, the tasks you have, the boss you have, the friends that you hang out with, etc...

Use those lists to decide what is most important to do next.  Above all, do not make a choice in life based on potential relationships.  Make a choice based on your own happiness.  And very seriously: if you aren't able to look at your lists and know what is likely to make you happier, then you should go over the lists with someone who knows you the best to get help on the decision.

You now are able to get employment in both the US and Japan in an industry that is always creative, challenging, and pays well.  Frankly, you don't have any problems there because you have more job opportunities than most.  But if you generally (meaning over the whole list of topics that you have written down) aren't happy, start changing things now.  There are vast seas of people out there in the world who do not have many choices in front of them.  Your choices are probably almost obscene in comparison.

posted by anon_42June 29, 2002 at 21:30

More Thoughts [ e ]

To answer some of the responses below

As for wasting time on my website yes I have thought about stopping it before.  But as for the particular issue of wasting time making the messages have formatting that was done at work .  I hope my boss doesn't read this.  I had nothing to do last month as we were waiting for dev kits all month.

As for not finding a girl yet.  It's easy if I wanted any girl.  It's very hard though if I want to find an intelligent girl with a few common interests.  One issue for me, maybe there is a way around this, I've had 5 girlfriends in my life and each one took 2 to 6 months before we started something.  In otherwords I need to get to know someone before I'm really interested.  That seems to only happen when I get lucky meaning there aren't many siuations were I get to see the same woman a couple of times a week for a few months as friends.  I do get out, I met about 10 women last year and so far about 5 this year but no one that really gelled.

As for seeking anonymous help lots of my friends and family read this site and they usually either post or send me e-mail but I'm also looking for other people's opinions.  I never know when someone will say something that starts me thinking in a new direction.

As for talking with friends though it is hard.  I have no people I consider real friends in Japan meaning that if I left there is no one here currently that I would keep in any kind of general contact.  There are two or three people I might hear from once a year or so but that's about it.  That's a common complaint about being in a foreign country or at least being a foreigner in Japan.  That's also what the girlfriend is supposed solve.  Integration with the locals generally happens through a hooking up with a local.

As for making the lists, I've done that a few times but I'm never quite able to make a decision based on them.  Maybe I'm writing the wrong things.  For example I could come back to L.A. where I'm from but all my friends are scattered and busy and so is my family so it's not exactly like I'd be going somewhere where I'd get a whole lot more connection.  I guess some is infinately more than none but ...

posted by greggmanJune 30, 2002 at 12:46

Happiness [ e ]

Here is a decent take on happiness from someone else in the game industry: http://www.geekend.com/~asci
us/happy.htm

It can be hard to keep good friends nearby in such a big and changing world.  But I guess that means that you just have to specifically join activities where you are simply forced to meet people on a regular basis.  I'm sure you have plenty of interests available to come up with some ideas.

Look, when you go to a place like that Design Festa, don't leave until you have asked two women out.  How could someone there not be cool?  Who gives a shit about age?  Just do it.  How could they not be interesting if they made one of those things?

I'd keep the site.  It's cool and gives me entertainment every once in a while when I remember to check on it.  Your Photoshop and layout skills are great.  Add a "best of" section too.  And a "demos" section.  And a "flash" section.

And teach me how to program this:

another take on age [ e ]

The best thing about getting older is finding the things that you really enjoy.

I've been living in Japan for almost 2 years now myself and experienced all the things you've been talking about.. isolation, loneliness, futility. After a while I came to understand the things that I really wanted to do and started to do them. For myself that meant playing more sport, cycling, traveling in Japan, and studying Japanese. I'm lucky that I've got a girlfriend who enjoys all those things too, but even if I didn't know her I'd still be doing those things.

Japan can be a lonely place, the key for me that made it a great place to live was deciding what I really wanted to do here and them meeting people with common interests. Its not easy to make good friends, you have to make an effort, just like meeting a nice girl. Once you make good friends here your ideas will totally change.

posted by anon_annon777July 8, 2002 at 1:48

I'm the lurker [ e ]

I'm the lurker. I always read your site, rarely post. But, I figured I better post this time to help yaz out.

First of all, I love this site! It kicks butt. In fact, it was the inspiration for my personal site.

Forget dumping the 'geeky' stuff. Who's to say what's geeky? Geez. Nothing geekier than keeping a website than jogging 10 miles everyday in skimpy shorts... just comparing 'jocks' to 'geeks'. Same diff. And being a geek gets you a job.

Anyway. As you know, I just got to this people factory known as Tokyo. Personally, once things settle down, I plan to buy a classical guitar and really learn to play!

I think that's the key, you gotta get a long term goal type hoppy thing.  That should open up a lot of doors I would say... for changes anyway.  Change is good. Nothing wrong with that.

Sign up for a dance school or something. I dunno.  Drop everything one weekend and try to sell stuff in front of Shibuya train station. There sure are some characters hanging out there!

Hrm. Hrm. Yeah.

http://www.japannewbie.com

posted by HarveyJuly 8, 2002 at 9:06

sent by Harvey [ e ]

Harvey sent me, so I checked out your post.

Seems like you are living the life I would have been had things turned out a little different for me in 1998. As it was, after 18 months in Japan and the beginnings of my self-doubts of remaining here, I started getting serious with a smart, beautiful, intelligent, wonderful Japanese woman who would give my life all the meaning you seem to be searching for (don't ask me how I got her, I doubt that technique will work for anybody else on anybody else...) We got married around the end of that year.

I now have a house (with large mortgage!), a two-year old daughter, and a mother-in-law living nearby. I have lived in Japan for nearly 6 years, passed Level 2 of the Japanese Proficiency Test, have permanent residency, and will probably remain in Japan for decades to come. And, having just hit the big three-oh, I find I have too much meaning in my life! All non-virtual connections with friends were jettisoned long ago, and still the majority of my "personal time" is spent with thousands of other people jammed in the morning and evening trains. And though my family is worth all the work and stress involved in keeping it going, it's still quite daunting to know that I am most likely committed to this routine for the next 20 years (maybe 30 if my little girl turns out to be a parasite single!)

The point is, you still have choices to make, and you still have the freedom to make them. Nothing can inherently stop you from reaching your goals, so long as you recognize the sacrifices that will be necessary to make them and your willingness to follow through on them. You can choose to mope about what you don't have, or you can start each day with the feeling that the future is yours to seize, and that you have the enormous gift of time to help you do this.

http://www.joepetrow.com

posted by anon_joepetJuly 8, 2002 at 21:54

i completely empathize [ e ]

greggman, your post was a hard one to read because it brought back a lot of "boy have I been there" feelings. Not sure what I can add that doesn't sound like a cliche or platitudes. If I may be presumptuous (and drawing on my own experience here), what comes through loud and clear is the emptiness you feel and not having a partner with which to share your life. So forgive me for stating the obvious but go out and find one. Stop waiting for one to show up. Put that Japanese you've been learning to use! You said you're meeting women, good. Keep it up. I agree with one poster that this website might be in some way a hindrance, it's much easier engaging in something that is known to yield satisfaction rather than the unknown that 9.9 times out of 10 will be unsatisfying. But you gotta keep trying till you find that .1 time. God I sound like a bucketful of cliches, and believe you me it's a hell of a lot easier to say it than do it.

first things first, decide where you want to live, make a list if you have to (why am I reminded of Rebel Without a Cause?). Leave out the woman or family goal. Just decide for yourself where you want to be. (Like someone else posted, consider yourself extremely lucky that you have the option to choose where you want to be, most people in this world don't get that choice). Then take it from there. One step at a time.

Kurt (http://www.easterwood.org)

posted by sukebekuroJuly 8, 2002 at 23:53

What are you like? I will tell you, someone who is lucky and is never satisfied! [ e ]

You are lucky, you live in Tokyo, you can get probably one of the most creative jobs out there easily. But You are constantly feeling shit about things. You sould like you are not happy if you are not worrying about something.  I bet you will find something to worry about even if you didn't have something to worry about.

If you think you need a break from the site and the web fine. pack the machine away, no-ones life will be affected except for yours.

You are addicted to staring at the Gamma rays, I know how this feels man! But you have to make a positive move to break the habit. (i heard somewhere that it take about 6 weeks to break a habit)...go out are try and enjoy yourseld.

What is the point in living in Japan (or anywhere) if you ain't gonna make the most of it? If you went back to the US nothing would change, maybe you would see your mates on occasion, but they all sound pretty happy and sorted with their partners anyway. I would doubt that any of them would go out on a "singles night" with you, so you may as well just stay in Japan and try you luck there.

Before I stumble onto this post I read and posted to 2 others on your site: Back in Japan and Life with no Girlfriend

posted by anon_Suprised_at_the_fact_th
at_you_had_the_balls_to_move
_to_Japan_but_none_to_go_out
_and_have_funJuly 16, 2002 at 22:54

Getting defensive [ e ]

Like I mentioned somewhere, I tend to take the opposite point of view so:

My job would be creative if I worked back in the states since I have 18 years of experience I would be a lead and be part of the design process.  Since I'm in Japan though I'm just a grunt.  I get told what to do and have no say (or little say).  I'm not part of the design process or even the management process.  I don't get to be a part of the meetings that decide what will get done or how it will get done.  They do listen to me a little since I have more experience than all of them but that's about it.

If I was just new in my career I'd be all excited that I'm working in the game industry but as it is, like I said, I have 18+ years of experience.  I earned my way up from grunt to lead to Director of Development.  I knew working in Japan would put me back to grunt, what I didn't know is just how much that would bother me.

As for being addicted to gamma rays, if you read the message it should be obvious I was at work while reading that programming book and getting upset.  At work my job is to stare at a monitor all day.  Outside of work I'm not glued to my computer.  My point only was that it felt like reading a book about programming has no relation to anything real.  When I look back at my life and think "I spent 40 years reading programming books and staring at a monitor 8 to 10 hours a day 5 days a week" I think I'm going to be upset.

As for the money (which you mentioned on another comment).  Japan does not pay game programmers well.  I make about 40% of what the AVERAGE game programmer with my salary would make in America.  AND, I'm living in Japan where average restaurant bill is $35.  Not $20 like in the states.

As for getting a girlfriend in Japan as non-asian foreigner, if you are a slut you can get laid everyday by a different woman.  I'm not a slut so maybe that means I don't fit Japan as a foreigner.  I'm also not into drugs or drinking.  In fact I only drink in Japan to keep the others from feeling guilty about drinking.  Which brings up the question, why is it that people get all strange when someone doesn't drink alcohol?  If you went to a fast food place and you didn't drink tea or coke or milk no one would think twice about it but if you say you don't drink all of a sudden no one wants to talk to anymore or people start to feel uncomfortable.  (do not read into that more than is there.  Like I said, to avoid the above reaction I now drink)

I also don't fit the single crowd anymore.  I went to a bar last week.  The people I met were 19, 20, 24 and 28.  All the 36 year olds are not hanging out at bars.  Even at my company I'm the 4th oldest guy there out of 125 people.  The 3 girls that sit next to me are 20, 21, and 23.  It's nice to talk to them but it's not going to turn into more.

Could I get into a relationship with an extremely younger woman?  Well first of all, to tell you to truth, unlike most guys I'm generally turned off by women that are too young relative the me.  One reason is that unlike most guys I don't go on looks alone.  If I don't feel the girl is even close to a match for me then I'm generally not really attracted.  There are exceptions but they are pretty few.

posted by greggmanJuly 17, 2002 at 2:49

Biting the hand that tries to feed you. [ e ]

My message just dissapeared, so I have to start again

Look, mate, everyone who comments on your blogs has one thing in common, they are all trying to help you. Even me.

I am sure if you really want one you could buy one.

Good job you are reading a book, try reading one that is not computer related. Get a hobby?

Maybe fate dealt you this hand to try and tell you something.  With a less responsible role I assume there is less pressure and are less late nights, right? Make the most of this freedom. But if it bothers you that much talk to someone about changing your position within the company or move and go back to the US.

<Slut?>What are you talking about? No one said that you should go and Shag around. Besides, if you get the opprotunity and are single why not? If I did I might.  Afterall it is fun right?

No one said drink too much did they? There are hundreds of drinks available, there has to be one that you can stomach. It will help you relax.(and boy, you sound like you need to!).  When I was younger I hated the taste of lager/beer, but I discovered that it is an aquired taste, I have tasted lots of varieties, and I know know the ones I like, and I did not have to get drunk to do it either

<don't fit the single crowd anymore>Says who? You? ha!! Sounds like with an attitude like that you will always be single!!

<unlike most guys I'm generally turned off by women that are too young relative the me> Huh? You are very judgemental aren't you...you have not even spoke to these people and you are already saying that they aren't compatable.  True story: My Fathers Uncle and Aunt, he is into his late 80's now and she is 19 years his junior!! No Lie, they are still together, they still seem to care for each other..it can work if YOU WANT IT TO!

Dude you ain't that different to the rest of us... You make it sound like you are a cut above the rest, but trust me mate, you ain't.

Everyone has emotions and some form of paranoia, it seems to me that you are letting the paranoid thoughts take over. 

Not all of the rest of us let our Ego's get in the way of our lives.

I realise I might sound harsh in some of these posts, but I literary took pity on you and thought you needed telling to sort your life out

posted by anon_Suprised_at_the_fact_th
at_you_had_the_balls_to_move
_to_Japan_but_none_to_go_out
_and_have_funJuly 17, 2002 at 8:24

[ e ]

Hey!

Wow-and here I've been admiring your vastly entertaining site and your obvious backend capabilities and thinking, "man, with a sense of humor like that and his abilities he must be in his twenties."
And here I am at age forty three, ridiculously underemployed (only partly my fault) trying valiantly to become an official "web services guy" while my family bears the brunt of my lack of success (or failures).
You have got a lot more than many people have. Sure, I have a wife who is way beyond loyal, and two beautiful, friendly and smart kids...but boy I 'd love to have the experience and knowledge you obviously have to do what you're doing - and in Japan, for chrissake!
If you're that unhappy, maybe you need to come on back to the U.S. Understand, you've got things lots of people covet.
If you happen to come through Nashville, the drinks are on me.

Bryan T

posted by anon_BryanSeptember 5, 2002 at 15:44

Ok, man... [ e ]

I've had many of the same feelings, but I'm way younger than you.  I've always been into programming, so I went to CMU to study CS.  I've been working for 5 years, and I now know that I hate doing it for a job, because it's no fun.  I only have fun when I'm doing my own coding projects...

So, I'm going to law school to study patent law.  That's about all there is to it.  When it's not fun anymore, you need a new challenge.  Something to make you learn stuff you don't know anything about...

As for the girl/friend issue, it's obviously a problem for you.  Luckily, I have a great wife I met in college...

I tend to only want to become good friends with people after I know they're interesting and cool, and that takes a long time working or studying together...  It's no good.  You need to just force yourself to go spend time with people, and meet as many of their friends as you can, and eventually, you'll find out that at least a few of them are really cool. 

Same for the girl.  In Japan, you should look for those people who are half, or grew up in an international environment -- those are usually the coolest people IMHO.  They may be way younger than you, but who gives a shit if they're seriously interesting people?

I love Japan, but it's not the place for me to live anymore.  I just can't do it.  Maybe it's the same for you...  Just don't let your state of indecision last too long, or you'll become jaded and bitter.  Make the change before that happens... :)

I still have a programming job for now, but I never read programming books at all anymore.  I read language books and books about culture and world trends...  Things that have personal and human meaning to me.  I watch films, ...  I spend time with my wife doing fun things and stupid things... 

If you can find the moments that have meaning to you, you'll know what the meaning of life is.

So...  you need to make a change, and preferably one that will help you meet people who are cool.  I would suggest leaving Japan first.  Go somewhere you can meet a lot of cool people and that has the potential to fulfill some of your other goals.  Maybe San Francisco.  Decide within 3 weeks.  Begin implementation immediately thereafter. :) 

Trevor (http://www.glome.org/)

posted by torokunSeptember 6, 2002 at 21:10

Never feel like I do any good to you, but ... [ e ]

The meaning of life ....... would be to LIVE.

It is hard to determine what one wants out of life and what is important and what is not. Perfect example;

I feel personally that house cleaning is a BIG WASTE of my life and I refuse to do it, BUT I also want my house to be cleanand BUG FREE, so I pay someone to do it for me. SO as much as I feel ME doing house work is NOT important, I know that do to health ans sanitation purposes it is actually HIGH on the important list.

I heard a song recently that has this to say and it really helps me to put things into perspective, it says: "It's not getting what you want, It's wanting what you've got."

I mean, what do you like to do? What makes you happy now? Not what do you think is going to make you happy later.

If you like to be "THE LEAD PROGRAMMER" or the owner of a company, THEN DO THAT!!! If you like to spend time with people, then do it, if you like to spend time with family, then do it, if you like blastnig your music, then do it, if you like to drive around town on your car with the wind in your hair, then you better move back home (USA) and buy a car and live life.

posted by MrsRedDaveSeptember 7, 2002 at 3:44

[ e ]

hey you my favorite uncle your not old

posted by anon_nephewofyoursNovember 6, 2002 at 11:49

To Toro-kun [ e ]

I won't beat around the bush; you're an asshole.

Gregg spills his guts here, and the only way you can respond is to say, "I'm younger than you... I've a wife...", etc.  You stumbled upon a man when he was down and the best you could do was to figuratively kick him in order to assuage your own misery.

You're pretentious and irritating.  Your Japanese is contrived.  And frankly, you're getting started way too late to be a lawyer.  There's always room for good lawyers, but the likes of you will only augment the chaff.  And no, the fact that you are a dick doesn't qualify you to be a lawyer.  You're just another pathetic gaijin who goes to Japan for attention... returns to the US and languishes after irritating too many people in Japan, and then tells other expats to "go home" out of jealousy.

Gregg - you're not old.  And I can tell you're more accomplished at 35 than Trever ever will be.

posted by anon_nameJanuary 26, 2003 at 18:25

On being an asshole... [ e ]

I'm sorry you feel that way.  I'm pretty shocked.  I've never been berated that harshly before...

The only reason I said I was younger was to let him know my situation, and that he can't necessarily go by what I say -- our situations are different.  I said I am married for the same reason.  I can't very well give someone honest advice on finding a girlfriend without telling them I'm married -- it's just in the interests of full disclosure...  I was lucky to find a girl, and I didn't mean to rub it in anyone's face.  If that was the feeling, I certainly didn't mean it to be...

Maybe my Japanese is contrived, but at least I can speak it.  I'm not Japanese, you know...  How perfect does someone have to be before their Japanese is not "contrived"?  Your English certainly isn't perfect, but what is the point of cutting you down about it?

And for your information, about half the people who go to law school are my age or _older_.  I'm only just 27 now, and I'll be done by the time I'm 30.  The whole thrust of my suggestions to Gregg were to do something about feeling crappy, rather than let the situation continue, because that's where I am in my life right now...

As for "going to Japan for attention", I hardly think that was the case, as I was 10 years old at the time.  I didn't want to go in the first place, but I learned about the country and came to love it in many ways.  I returned because I had to, and probably like the U.S. better in some ways, but the only reason I suggested that Gregg leave is because according to him in this post, he's having a crappy time there and it seems like he might be happier somewhere else.

No, Gregg is not old, but neither am I in a competition for "accomplishment" with anyone.  My comments were entirely in the spirit of friendly advice to someone in a melancholy mood, and I hope that Gregg saw them as such.  If not, I certainly apologize.

posted by torokunFebruary 12, 2003 at 10:40

Torokun [ e ]

I took your comments as friendly advice.  Thank you.  I'm not sure what "anon_name" read into your post that I didn't read but clearly they got a different meaning from it.

posted by greggmanFebruary 12, 2003 at 23:47

I do understand .... [ e ]

Hi,

the thing about feeling old....I go through the same thing.  Comparing yourself to anything or anybody is doomed to feeling like a failure.  I think life is so fast and so complex so that no path or sequence of events is "the right way or the wrong way" of doing things.

Ten years ago I imagined to have a family by the age of 26.  I did not find a partner until I was 27 and then, it took about two years to "get organized" to make a marriage possible.  My husband has a different citizenship than I and we were confronted with the question where we will  live ?  Germany or the US ? 

The thing about living in Japan.  This is also a new curve ball thrown at us.  When my parents were in our situation, being an expatriate was a rare thing.  Currently, almost one out of two of my highschool buddies ended up working abroad because companies are organized globally and not nationally anymore.  My husband works with Germans, Americans, Mexicans, Canadians & Asians consistantly.  Language barriers make things even more challenging and the energy spent to get through the day and get things done make your head spin - wush another three months are over.

Instead of being a mom I am back to school trying to get a second degree at the age of 33.  My husband is gone over the week and we lead a "weekend marriage".  Yes, we tried to change it, but there is not way we have a choice because of the economy.  Life is anything but perfect - making plans for the future makes only sense in the category "life-insurance / mutual funds" and for the risks taker maybe day trading but even that can go incredibly wrong.

I hope this helps !!

Barbara

posted by anon_BarbaraMurrayMay 20, 2003 at 13:19

Thank God [ e ]

There is someone else out there that feels the way I do. I am 31 and have been married since I was 22. I feel as if there is something wrong with me. I feel as though I have one foot in the grave and am just waiting for someone to push me in and I'm not wanting to go. I want to live, a lot! I called my mother. Her advice-to go with the flow. It's so easy to get caught up in work and kids or what ever is going on in your life and your "self" (whatever it is you personally enjoy doing/your inner self) gets neglected. So, you have to decide to do what makes you happy-why torture yourself? Your wasting your valuable time by dwelling on it. Get going.

posted by JackiJanuary 25, 2004 at 20:17

Lets put this in videogame programming terms [ e ]

If life is a videogame then perhaps:
1) An object not in the collision list there will be no collision to detect and the game will run faster.

2) The object you are looking for is almost certainly NOT in your view Frustum

3) The best way to resolve collisions is to let the moving objects determine the collsion, let the static objects determine the results of the collision.

4) If a game is not fun and addictive then no one wants to play very long.

5) The object of most games is to avoid the majority of objects, collect ones they need, and survive to reach and end goal (all the while blowing up a lot of shit and taking massive damage)

How do you see yourself in each of these?
1) If you aren't communicating with people then you won't find relationships and time will run by very fast (note this does not require 'getting out' to communicate)

2) Most relationships are not made by one person hunting down another.

3) If you hunt for another then it's much more difficult to start, find and hang on to a great relationship. If it happens out of chance or by someone finding you, you have a much easier time understanding, managing, and enjoying the relationship. It's also easier to determine how serious you want it to become.

4) If you show to everyone what makes you interesting, then the right girl will find you because of who YOU are.

5) This is an obscure reference to the fact that you don't need to have a partner/wife/significant other at all just because it's been burned into our brains since we were kids. There's NOTHING wrong, weird, or lesser about being single.

These examples could go on and on, but it's more fun realizing your own. Perhaps a good list to add to your site ;)

Something to consider:
  Discover who you are. Realize that everyone in the world is you, and I don't mean 'like' you, or 'similar' to you, but that they are all YOU. After all, why would I care about writing this to you...because I am you. Pick up a book or article and replace all the names their with yours, you will soon have a different perspective on life. Check out the book Conversations with God (no it's not religious) by Neale Donald Walsh as it's the closest to getting how the universe works correct.

When you become deep in thought, perhaps depressed, look out at all of the you's in the world around you and see their life, notice how limited their view and thoughts may be. Notice yours. Then challenge them, walk through your fears, see where you end up and I guarantee it will certainly be better than where you were.

In case my name sounds familiar, I almost took the position to replace you at Big Grub just before you were going to leave to live in Japan. We have surprisingly similar paths, though I was able to do what you wanted to (find the right girl) through great searching, sacrifice, and luck (awareness?) while at Sega. If you focus half as much energy to relationships as you do to making games, the right relationship will find you. Just make sure you focus on them or else it will be like a game that never ships and never ends with really bad funding.

Take Care,

Don

posted by DonGoddardMay 31, 2004 at 6:22

Know How Ya Feel [ e ]

There's nothing to be defensive or embarassed about.  I've felt the same way.  When I've told people we only have a limited number of Christmas's etc. and do you really want to spend them alone I get a strange look.  When I say that to people online they get pissed.  One has to take a long hard look at oneself to determine where the root of their problems come from.  I'm fairly recently married. We've had to and are going through the immigration process I wouldn't recommend that to anyone in the world in this age.  It's sheer hell. 

I recommend sitting down and writing down or at least thinking about those things that may turn off someone else.  I'm not saying change those things but think about them and whether or not you'd want to change them.  Finding that oh so special someone is hard.  I didn't find them until I was in my late 20's.  Even after you find them it's wise to wait a year or two to get as someone else referred to get organized.  Anyway I like your site.  I found it by way of your Wells Fargo Bank Sucks post.  There were some majorly funny stories people posted.  I also recommend this site.  When You Want To Get Paid For Your Writing  You're a prolific writer so you'd quickly earn some money.  I recommend signing up & writing there too.  I'm sure people would love to read about your tales in Japan.  Good luck!

posted by anonymousGNovember 27, 2004 at 1:43

richard [ e ]

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posted by sexo12December 30, 2006 at 17:00